... 'Zero Friends...' continued
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This is a tough one. Part of me just wants to say forget your friends and go with your heart. But I know when you are in school, life isn't so easy. First of all, you are assuming your friends think he is nerdy, but if you have found something to like in him, maybe they have (or will), too. Are you sure they would make fun of you? If they do make fun of you, then you need to tell them how that makes you feel and ask them if they want you to be happy. If they continue to make fun of you, then maybe you need to question their friendship. But remember, sometimes friends will make fun of you because they are jealous. They could act out if you are in happy in a relationship and they are not.
Of course, your other option is to ignore your feelings for this boy, and never mention anything to your friends. But I am guessing that won't make you happy either. So, back to my first suggestion: Go with your heart.
Dear Dee:
I've got this major problem! Well, actually it's more like a flatness problem. You see, I like this boy in my class (he's really hot) but when I finally worked up the courage to tell him how I feel, he totally blew me off! He told me that my chest is "less than impressive.” I thought about it and realized he really is right. I mean I'm not saying what he did was not jerk-like, but come on! I've liked him for like a whole semester and it would mean so much if he would actually pay attention to more than my chest. I have more to me than looks! What do you think I should do?
I hate to be the one to break the bad news to you, but hey, that's what a "big sis" is for -- telling you how it is. This guy IS a jerk and you shouldn't waste any more time on him. Kids in school can be really cruel and there is no excuse for what he said to you. You are not the one with the problem, he is. You may not have fully developed, and in the future, you may "blossom" into a bigger-chested woman. But trust me, you don't want the guys who are going to be attracted to you just for that. Or you may always be flat, which has its advantages too (no back pain, no old-age sagging, etc.). Whether you have small breasts or large breasts should not be a determining factor for whether or not a guy is interested in you. I am glad you realize there is more to you than looks, and it's his loss that he doesn't realize that too.
Dear Dee:
My ex asked my best friend to go to Homecoming with him and she said yes. Neither of them had any concern for my feelings at all, considering I want to go too but haven’t been asked. Plus, I still have feelings for him, and my friend knows this. I have never felt so betrayed, hurt, and ignored in my entire life and I feel like both of them are just slapping me in the face. All my friend cares about is getting a date to Homecoming, and it seems as though she would risk my mental health and our friendship for it. To make things worse, when I tried to talk to her she turned it around on me and screamed at me about how I was overreacting and she stormed off. I have no problem leaving the exboyfriend behind but I'm not sure how to handle this. She and I have been through so much together and I don't see my future without her, but I don't see how she could do this to me and not feel bad about it!
It's that time of year again ... Homecoming. A time for lots of fun and lots of feuding. Who has the hottest date? Who has ANY date? Who is going solo? Who will be king and queen? There are already so many things to stress you out, so it really sucks that you have the added stress of dealing with your friend and your ex. That's a sticky situation. I understand why you feel betrayed by your friend. It seems that your feelings weren't a concern for either of them when they agreed to go to Homecoming together. But the fact is, no amount of pouting, shouting or otherwise complaining is likely to change their minds. So you have to decide if your friendship with her can survive this betrayal.
While I don't want to downplay what your friend did, and especially how she reacted to you afterwards, try and see it from her perspective. I know you said she just cared about getting a date, but is it possible she actually likes him? Imagine you liked HER ex, and he liked you. We can't control who we are attracted to, and while we CAN control whether or not we act on that attraction, taming crushes is not something teens are generally known for, even if it is for the sake of friendship. If it really is just about getting a date, and if she rubs the whole thing in your face, then it probably is time to move on and find another BFF.
NOTE: Dee is not a professional psychiatrist or trained therapist. If you are thinking of harming yourself or others, seek professional help immediately. If you don't know where to find help, ask an adult you trust or call one of the hotlines listed here.
Of course, your other option is to ignore your feelings for this boy, and never mention anything to your friends. But I am guessing that won't make you happy either. So, back to my first suggestion: Go with your heart.
Dear Dee:
I've got this major problem! Well, actually it's more like a flatness problem. You see, I like this boy in my class (he's really hot) but when I finally worked up the courage to tell him how I feel, he totally blew me off! He told me that my chest is "less than impressive.” I thought about it and realized he really is right. I mean I'm not saying what he did was not jerk-like, but come on! I've liked him for like a whole semester and it would mean so much if he would actually pay attention to more than my chest. I have more to me than looks! What do you think I should do?
I hate to be the one to break the bad news to you, but hey, that's what a "big sis" is for -- telling you how it is. This guy IS a jerk and you shouldn't waste any more time on him. Kids in school can be really cruel and there is no excuse for what he said to you. You are not the one with the problem, he is. You may not have fully developed, and in the future, you may "blossom" into a bigger-chested woman. But trust me, you don't want the guys who are going to be attracted to you just for that. Or you may always be flat, which has its advantages too (no back pain, no old-age sagging, etc.). Whether you have small breasts or large breasts should not be a determining factor for whether or not a guy is interested in you. I am glad you realize there is more to you than looks, and it's his loss that he doesn't realize that too.
Dear Dee:
My ex asked my best friend to go to Homecoming with him and she said yes. Neither of them had any concern for my feelings at all, considering I want to go too but haven’t been asked. Plus, I still have feelings for him, and my friend knows this. I have never felt so betrayed, hurt, and ignored in my entire life and I feel like both of them are just slapping me in the face. All my friend cares about is getting a date to Homecoming, and it seems as though she would risk my mental health and our friendship for it. To make things worse, when I tried to talk to her she turned it around on me and screamed at me about how I was overreacting and she stormed off. I have no problem leaving the exboyfriend behind but I'm not sure how to handle this. She and I have been through so much together and I don't see my future without her, but I don't see how she could do this to me and not feel bad about it!
It's that time of year again ... Homecoming. A time for lots of fun and lots of feuding. Who has the hottest date? Who has ANY date? Who is going solo? Who will be king and queen? There are already so many things to stress you out, so it really sucks that you have the added stress of dealing with your friend and your ex. That's a sticky situation. I understand why you feel betrayed by your friend. It seems that your feelings weren't a concern for either of them when they agreed to go to Homecoming together. But the fact is, no amount of pouting, shouting or otherwise complaining is likely to change their minds. So you have to decide if your friendship with her can survive this betrayal.
While I don't want to downplay what your friend did, and especially how she reacted to you afterwards, try and see it from her perspective. I know you said she just cared about getting a date, but is it possible she actually likes him? Imagine you liked HER ex, and he liked you. We can't control who we are attracted to, and while we CAN control whether or not we act on that attraction, taming crushes is not something teens are generally known for, even if it is for the sake of friendship. If it really is just about getting a date, and if she rubs the whole thing in your face, then it probably is time to move on and find another BFF.
NOTE: Dee is not a professional psychiatrist or trained therapist. If you are thinking of harming yourself or others, seek professional help immediately. If you don't know where to find help, ask an adult you trust or call one of the hotlines listed here.
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