Jessica vs. Britney
Previous-
X17online.com (2)
Jessica Simpson vs. Britney Spears
Whoof. Where to start here? On the first look, Jessica Simpson and Britney Spears started out pretty similarly, both as teenage pop tarts. And now both have pretty much crashed and burned. Nicely done, ladies. But who would win if we threw them in the Octagon of Death, where only one walks away? We'd so pay money to really see that ...
-
ZUMA Press | WireImage.com
Round One
Awardless vs. Grammies
Aww, Jessica's never won a Grammy, while Britney's actually (and we can't believe we're saying this) won some for 'Toxic' ... so for dancing, really. Deserved or not, Brit wins. <
Winner: BritneyMore Britney Spears:
-
Jive | Columbia
Round Two
Singer vs. Singer
While Britney Spears has had hit after hit record, Jessica Simpson has ... well, she sang that one song that you could download with your name in it, right? Other than that ... hmm.
Winner: Britney -
WireImage.com (2)
Round Three
Justin Timberlake vs. Nick Lachey
Comparing the early boys in their lives, we're going to go with Justin Timberlake easily beating Nick Lachey. But it wouldn't be pretty ... lots of slapping and clawing.
Winner: BritneyMore Britney Spears:
-
ZUMA Press | WireImage.com
Round Four
Chest vs. Chest
Wow, holy plastic surgery, Britney! Considering rumors are flying about whether Ms. Spears is still natural, we're going to have to give this one to Jessica Simpson.
Winner: Jessica -
WireImage.com (2)
Round Five
Divorce vs. Divorce
We might have gone with Justin Timberlake against Nick Lachey before, but when Nick goes up against Kevin Federline, it's really no contest. One's a huge joke now ... and the other is Kevin Federline (*shiver*).
Winner: JessicaMore Britney Spears:
-
WireImage.com (2)
Round Six
Dye Job vs. Dye Job
Though both girls used to be blonde, only one of their hair colors could remotely resemble looking good here. Sorry, Britney, but the hair looks like the least stylish thing on you, and that's saying something.
Winner: Jessica -
Paramount | Warner Bros.
Round Seven
'Crossroads' vs. 'Dukes of Hazzard'
'Crossroads' had Britney Spears singing karaoke. ... And we have a winner!
Winner: JessicaMore Britney Spears:
-
X17online.com | Getty Images
Round Eight
Babies vs. John Mayer
While Britney started her own family, Jessica Simpson moved on to date ... let's say not the most attractive singer out there. We're tempted to go with Britney here, but c'mon ... she's the trashiest mom we've ever seen. We're siding with the ugly guy.
Winner: Jessica -
X17online.com | WireImage.com
The Winner!
Congratulations, Jessica! You destroyed Britney five-three, even with that smile. As for Britney Spears ... there's really no bottom to your shame spiral when you're shaving your head and going crazy in rehab, without underwear, etc. But that's just our opinion ... keep going to vote on who you think is the biggest trainwreck.
More Britney Spears:
-
Who do you think won the fight? Vote now!
More On RED
-
