Dealing With Heartbreak

Step 1: Let Yourself Grieve

It's OK to be pissed, upset, hurt, confused or any other emotion when a relationship has ended. You have a right to feel these emotions. Don't ignore them, because brushing them under a rug won't make them go away. Grief is a process to go through, but remember ... it's NOT a destination. Keep putting one foot in front of the other -- each step is part of your healing.

Step 2: Lean on Your Friends

Friends and family are there through thick and thin, so if you are feeling crappy ... reach out to the people that care about you most. Your friends and family will be able to sympathize and help you through your healing process. Talking about what happened will help. And if you aren't ready to talk, then at least keep yourself busy hanging out with your friends.

Step 3: Avoid Embarrassment

Fight the inner stalker. Don't embarrass yourself or put yourself in a situation where you'll look back and feel humiliated. Driving past your ex's house, making dozens of phone calls or e-mailing nonstop is no way to let go of the past or come out with your head high.

Step 4: True Intentions

Be honest with yourself and define your true intentions. Are you trying to move past the breakup, or are you hoping to get back with your ex? Although the question is a tough one, look deep inside yourself and answer it honestly. Only then can you move on. You need to accept that the relationship is over.

Step 5: Watch Your Mouth

Be careful about the language you use. When you use terms like "nightmare," "terrible" and "horrible," you're bound to spend time dwelling on the negative. Instead, focus on getting yourself back on track and the things you CAN do and CAN control. Even though you aren't feeling like rainbows and butterflies and are probably furious that I am even suggesting this, positive thinking WILL make you feel better. Just try it!

Step 6: Friend-Worthy?

It probably sounds totally cliche, but you need to take care of YOU first and foremost. You are the most important person in this situation and you have to know you deserve a lot more ... like time for YOU. Don't start thinking about being friends right away -- if ever.

Step 7: Have Closure

This step coincides with some of the others, but having closure is essential to healing. Sometimes you aren't able to get closure from the person who you were in the relationship with, but you should have some type of internal closure. You need to work through what happened, how you feel and eventually be able to look at the positive aspects of the relationship. If it was horrible all around, then look at how much stronger, or wiser of a person you are now. Some times having a "take away" like that is the best closure imaginable.

Step 8: Reconnect with YOU

Sometimes the relationship you need to rescue is the one with yourself. Moving past a breakup is about you, not your ex. I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. Take the time and effort you were investing in your relationship and spend that on yourself! That's right ... take care of you. Make a list of things you want to do or try. It could be anything from "spending more time with my friends" to "learning the guitar." It's your time. Reconnect with yourself.